


I sing, I scream.

by Shadowgirlx



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-07-25 20:58:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7547095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowgirlx/pseuds/Shadowgirlx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been 5 years since Simon betrayed Raphael and since then he couldn't bear to see anyone. He left his life behind to suffer alone.</p><p>But what if singing one song could change everything? What if someone was watching?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been 5 years since that day at The Hotel. 5 years since the biggest mistake of Simon's life. But no matter how hard he tried or how much he wanted it, he couldn't change the past. And he hated that. He hated himself everyday for what he did. He couldn't bear to look at Clary or the Shadowhunters since that day they let Camille go. He could barely cope with himself anymore.

But one night changed everything.

It was barely dark when he decided it was time. Time to try and live with what he'd done. He didn't want to die because no matter if they knew it or not he always watched over Raphael and Clary. They were and would always be the most important people in his life. But it was true that he wanted to try and rid himself of the pain and depression that constantly loomed over him. So he picked up his guitar which he hadn't dared to touch in five years, brushed off the collection of dust and raced to Pandamonium. However it wasn't a Downworlder club anymore. It was a ghost town. Just a year after Simon's betrayal the club was burned down by The Circle. It was a devastating event. But Simon knew it was safe now. Safe to go and let out everything that had burdened him all this time.

So he took a seat on an old barstool in the centre of the scorched and blackened room and began to sing as he strummed his guitar.

But as he did, something wonderful happened. Memories came and embraced him. Memories that had before been lost in the bottomless pit of pain he could not dig himself out of.

"Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face.  
You told me how proud you were but I walked away.  
If only I knew what I know today.  
Ooh ooh." He sung, just praying that someone would hear him. That Raphael would hear him.

Laughter rang out all around him. Reminding him of what he had lost. He threw away someone so precious. How had he been so stupid?

"I would hold you in my arms.  
I would take the pain away.  
Thank you for all you've done.  
Forgive all your mistakes."

_The look of hurt on Raphael's face was heartbreaking._

_"I'm disappointed in you," Raphael choked, blood tears staining his cheeks._

_Simon tried to reply but a harsh slap hit his cheek._

_"Leave. And if you come back... I will kill you myself." Raphael hissed, his entire body trembling._

_How could Simon have done this?_

"There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again.  
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there.

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do.  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you."

Over the sound of the guitar he could hear someone's choked sobs. He thought someone was there but then he realised it was him was sobbing.

"Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit.  
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss.  
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh, whoa.

"Would you tell me I was wrong?  
Would you help me understand?  
Are you looking down upon me?  
Are you proud of who I am?" His voice began to wobble as he began to see the truth.

He certainly wasn't proud of himself. He really was a monster. Sometimes he wished Raphael had killed him the day he let Camille go. At least then he could pay the price for what he had done. But dying by Raphael's hand was the only way he'd ever achieve peace with himself. And he knew it would never happen. Raphael wasn't heartless enough to do that which pained Simon even more.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do, to have just one more chance.  
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do.  
And I've hurt myself, oh, oh, oh." He was determined to carry on. He had to. Not for himself but for Raphael.

_"Dios Simon stop rambling!" Raphael sighed, running a hand through this ruffled hair._

_"Yeah um-um okay. So-sorry I'm just- ya know..."_

_"You are so lucky that your beautiful. Otherwise I would've killed you already." Raphael said, offering one of the rarest sights in history._

_His smile._

"If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away.

Oh, it's dangerous.  
It's so out of line.  
To try and turn back time.

I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do.  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you." 

Simon let the end of the song trail off into the distance before letting his sob over come him. He couldn't hold in his pain any more. He just had to let it out.

He dropped his guitar to the floor with a smash. He didn't care how broken it was as that was the last time he would ever play it. Unfortunately he still needed his heart but that was broken much more.

And in amongst the security of the silence he screamed.

He screamed for Raphael and all the pain that he had to bear because of Simon, he screamed for Clary and the struggle she had with the fact that her brother was the one she truly loved, he screamed for Magnus and Alec who would forever be parted by the cruel villan named time, he screamed for Izzy and all the grief she was going through after losing her youngest brother Max and he screamed for his mum and sister who he would never see again. 

But as his scream faded and he sat there staring off into the pitch black distance he didn't realise that...

Someone in that pitch black distance was staring back at him. And he was broken just as much. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Simon dared to say that life was slowly getting easier. Not massively but it was, ever since that day 8 years ago when he visited Pandemonium. He'd faced his inner demons and that was that. He definitely still missed everyone from his old life but he was beginning to accept that he would never truly be happy again. And it was okay because as long as he could watch over the people he cared about, his life still had a reason. It was true that it hurt to see everyone move on without him but it was all for the best.

Clary looked happy. He was glad as she was his best friend. She was now 30 and married to Jace with a daughter, Angelette. They had become the Heads of The Institute and were now living in peace. Simon loved to watch them run around in the green fields, laughing and playing under the golden sun with their innocent daughter. It was beautiful to see Clary have the future she deserved after all that happened in The Mortal War. Simon didn't especially like Jace but if he made Clary happy then Simon was happy for the both of them.

Magnus and Alec looked happy too. Even though Alec never liked Simon, Simon was still glad to see him so joyous. Magnus and Alec were now the first Downworlder/Shadowhunter couple to be married. They had adopted two sons. A blue skinned warlock named Max, after Alec's younger brother who was killed, and an orphaned shadowhunter named Rafael, after Magnus' friend and they man who Simon lost forever. Simon had never seen Magnus look at anyone like he looked at Alec. It was the same look of complete love that Simon had always dreamed of getting himself.

Isabelle had recently adopted a daughter. An orphaned half fey girl named Alicia. She looked so much like Isabelle. Black long hair reaching her waist with skin as pale as snow. Somedays Simon would watch them training in the park, learning runes and ways to fight demons in heels. He was happy to see that Isabelle wasn't alone anymore. She didn't need a man. She'd always said that only a child could give her the love she truly wanted. She looked so much like Maryse now she was all grown up and independent. 

Simon had only seen Raphael once. Once in the 13 years since he walked away from Raphael. And it wasn't a memory Simon wanted to keep. It was July 17th 2014 when he saw him. Raphael. He was standing under a cherry blossom tree. He looked so beautiful. Simon was about to go up to him, say hi to him after so long until he saw a female vampire with bronze coloured hair and eyes walk up to Raphael and pull him into a kiss. Simon's heart dropped like a pebble in the sea. Of course the man had moved on from their ex-maybe all those years ago. Simon did not delay racing away from the sight that would forever leave his heart crippled. And if people saw the trail of blood drips Simon's eyes left behind, no one had said anything.

 -

Simon was panicked. Earlier that night he was watching over Clary and Jace from across the park when the red head's gaze had flickered to him.

"Simon?" She'd said. 

He didn't know what to do. After 13 years she suddenly saw him. It took all he had not to breakdown so instead he ran. He ran as fast as he possibly could. Away from the lives that he was afraid to ruin. And he didn't stop running until the shouting of his name faded off into the distance behind him.

For hours and hours afterwards Simon couldn't calm down. He paced around his living room pointlessly just waiting until dawn was nearing. He couldn't do it anymore. Clary would never stop looking for him now. And he didn't ever want to be found. It would be too hard to agitate old wounds. Besides, they didn't need his protection anymore. They were all safe, happy and loved. That gave him enough peace. Enough peace to go seek his own now in a better place. So with a deep, unnecessary breath he decided to brave it and go to the park he saw Clary at earlier. But something was different. As he walked his trembling hands clutched a bunch of roses, the last things he would ever hold.

The Sun was soon going to rise as he creaked open the rusted gate of the park. No one was there. It was quiet and peaceful. Perfect for last words. Perfect because no one would be there to hear them or make them harder to say. 

He slowly placed down three crisp white roses.

"Clary you were the best friend I could have ever asked for. You stood by me for 17 years and I thank you for that. I'm sorry the shadow world caused me to drift away... It's my fault. Just find and take every opportunity that will make you happy. Your smile is a gift to everyone.

Jace I never really liked you at first. You were a pain in the ass I admit but I will miss you. A lot actually. I liked to tell myself that our old spats were just a couple of dudes joking around. Anyway with all seriousness... Look after Clary for me. I know she loves you and you and Clary have been gifted with a bundle of joy who I have seen bursting with laughter and happiness on many occasions.

I have loved watching you grow Angelette and become so much like both of your parents with your mother's hair and your dad's sassy attitude. Remember that family is the most important thing. Don't ever give it up without a fight." Simon said, gazing fondly at the flowers that lay on the grass infront of him.

He sighed deeply before placing down the next flowers. Three white roses and a single blue rose. 

"Magnus I don't even know how to thank you. After everything you've done for my friends I owe you more than I could ever give in my immortal life. That's how much I thank you. You now have everything you deserve. Two beautiful boys who I've seen make you happier than you've ever looked since I've known you and a husband who may seem like he doesn't need love but he craves yours.

Alec... What can I say? You hated me, you got annoyed at me and you never wanted me around. Don't deny it. But none the less I'm happy for you anyway. You've got a family now and a man who would go to hell and back for you. Never throw that away. I'd give anything to have a family like you do.

Rafael look after your parents and become the shadowhunter I know you can be. Stay strong and never give up.

Oh and not forgetting you Max... Love your skin and who you are..." Simon spoke softly, finally shifting his gaze from the three white roses for Magnus, Alec and Rafael over to the single deep blue one for Max. "And stay out of trouble you cheeky devil."

He adored the little blue skinned warlock. Max was so mischievous. Simon loved it. He loved them all. It took a moment of pause before he placed down the next two flowers. Two midnight black roses.

"Izzy I know that black isn't your favourite but it reminds me of your hair and Alicia's hair. Black like the night sky. Izzy, I cannot express how amazing you are. You are headstrong, independent and powerful. Everything a women should be and I know your daughter will become the same one day. I'm glad you found the love you were looking for and I hope you continue to receive that love every single day for the rest of your long and happy life.

Alicia promise me you will protect your mum and follow in her footsteps to become a incredible young lady who can slay demons in dangerously high heels. You can do anything you want if you fight for it." Simon chuckled before pausing as he looked at the last flower in his hand.

A single blood red rose.

"Raphael... Wow I don't even know what to say. I planned this one the most but now I'm speechless. For once in my life I haven't got an annoying rant for you but I'm going to carry on anyway. I have to so here goes." Simon stammered, stopping briefly to take a breath he didn't need. "I haven't seen you in 13 years which have been the longest years of my life. And I can't bear another day of this torture. I can't keep any more secrets. I love you Raphael and I always have done since the moment I layed eyes on you. My heart raced when you walked by and every inch of my skin tingled when you touched me. You were darkness. But you were a darkness I craved and I still do today. You called me your Sun and I called you my Moon. Ironic right? I remember Lily saying that I brought out the light in you but I denied it. You never needed me for anything and that's okay. You were always better off without me and I'm glad you have found someone who makes you happy. I saw you two in the park once at least 6 years ago. It's true that I wanted it to be me by your side but I can't get what I want. I don't deserve to get what I want. So I just wanted to say thank you for keeping my hope alive all this time. Just the memory of you could keep me going for days at a time. And  I will carry those memories even in death. Please don't mourn me because even as an immortal, life is too short and also remember that I will never stop loving you even when my heart stops beating, my blood stops pumping and my body turns to ash." Simon whispered finally, wiping away the streams of blood on his cheeks. 

He looked down at the flowers that lay on the ground. He was okay now. He had said what he needed to say so he could now go in peace knowing he had fulfilled his purpose. Simon just waited in silence for the Sun to consume him, painlessly and quickly. It was so close to sunrise.

But behind him a twig snapped and a roughened voice spoke up.

"Simon."

He didn't need to turn around to recognise that voice.

"Raphael?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I kinda owe you guys a longer chapter after keeping you waiting. Admittedly I cried whilst writing this so I'm sorry if you do too. Don't shoot!  
> *puts hands up in air frantically*


	3. Quick announcement

Hey guys I've been having a pretty rough week so I'm sorry the update you guys have been patiently waiting for hasn't been uploaded yet but I promise it will be up in the next few days.


	4. Chapter 4

"Raphael."

The older vampire had appeared from out of the darkness, trembling furiously and uncontrollably. His tanned skin was stained crimson from the tears that cascaded from his eyes and his lips were bitten bloody. Chocolate coloured locks of hair curled at the nape of his neck, drenched with sweat. And in his hand was the hand of another who he instantly recognised from the dusting of freckles that covered it.

Clary.

Clary Herondale, a reminder of his losses, in all her glory. Wavy auburn hair, rosy cheeks and bright emerald green eyes just like her mother. But no smile. Nowhere was the smile that could brighten anyone's day. Instead there was a face of pain and suffering that Simon couldn't bear to watch. And nowhere was the laugh that could fix the gravest of mistakes. Instead there were violent sobs, muffled by Jace's shirt and the comfort of Angelette, who clutched on to her mum with concern and water in her eyes.

To their right was no stranger. Alec. But this was not the Alec Simon knew. This Alec was not stoic or insensitive but rather a man who cared. He kept his bottle blue eyes latched to Simon's and tried to portray what words couldn't. In his arms was the great Magnus Bane sans his usual facade. His makeup was smudged and his clothes were crumpled but it looked like for once he didn't care. Splotches of salty water covered his shirt beyond the point of discretion and at his feet were Max and Raphael who just hugged each other in fear of what they might lose or who they might lose. Simon yearned to say 'not much'.

He wanted to fall apart and cry. So he did. Simon crashed to the ground in front of his loved ones from all those years back and began to sob continuously, only to then be raised into a weak standing position by a pair of soft but callused hands. He raised his head to see a familiar pair of fierce but calm eyes looking at him. Isabelle. Simon wanted to say so much but he couldn't find the words. Couldn't find the words to say anything to anyone. Izzy must have known because she pulled him towards her and hugged him with all she had. It was a hug to fix past problems and to fight for a future Simon wasn't sure he wanted anymore. After a few moments she pulled back, held Simon out at arms length and looked straight at him.

"Simon listen to me and listen good. I love you, Clary loves you, Alec and Jace and Magnus, no matter how hard they may deny it, love you and all of our children love you. When you disappeared from our lives without warning, you left a Simon-shaped hole in all our hearts. We didn't know it at first but you were a bright light we couldn't afford to lose but we did anyway and it's our fault. You were shunned by you own kind because we were fixated on waking Jocelyn and as soon as we had we just abandoned you. For 13 years we've tried to carry on with our lives but they weren't the same without you in it. Please come back to us. Please come home." Isabelle spoke clearly and softly, with a solemn look on her face.

Simon didn't know what to say. The emotions were too strong so he just nodded. From behind Izzy came Alicia who tugged on Simon's arm.

"Please come home Uncle Simon," she said with a begging look in her eyes, "I don't like it when my mum loses things. I don't like seeing her hurt. She doesn't like to cry because granny says crying is weak for a Shadowhunter but I know when she is sad. And she is very sad now."

"Alicia crying does not make you weak, remember that. And no matter how strong the person is, they always have a limit before the pain leaves them permenantly broken." Simon replied.

Everyone knew he was talking about himself. Izzy whispered something in Simon's ear.

"Simon I know what you are going to do and I understand. But I just can't say goodbye. I just can't. Ave atque vale Simon. Hail and farewell." 

When she stepped away she had tears dripping down her cheeks. She looked away only to do a double take before taking Alicia back to the group with her.

Suddenly a hoarse voice spoke out to him and he knew exactly who it was.

"Simon I... I just- I-"

"It's okay. Really." Simon began. "You don't know what to say so I'll make it easy for you. I'll do the talking, I need to do the talking..." Simon took a long, deep breath before carrying on. "I have loved you for 13 years and I never told you. And yes, silently I wished for you to love me back but I knew you didn't. That's okay. But for the first couple of years after I left your life I cursed myself for the mistake I made by letting you go without a fight but then I realised the truth. I'm selfish. Even as a mundane I often did what I wanted and took what I wanted without giving a damn about anyone else. I admit that but I've realised that I can't be selfish with you. No speech, no apology or no argument can show all the reasons why I'm wrong for you. You deserve everything you want out of life. I want you to have it all. An epic love, a family, friends who will stick by you forever and complete happiness. Just because I can't have that doesn't mean you shouldn't. It doesn't mean you can't. It can't mean you won't."

Raphael's face shifted. _Massively._ He looked pained.

"But Simon you can have that." Raphael replied, slowly stepping towards him.

Simon cowered.

"No Raphael don't you get it? I'm a time bomb, one day I'm going to explode and hurt everyone in my path. I have been in hell for most of my life and it's left me as just a fraction of who I was. I'm so lost that I don't think I will ever be found. There is nothing left for me here. I'm just broken and maybe I will never be fixed. I'm okay with that."

A deathly silence followed. Simon broke it.

"Go back to The Hotel. The Sun's about to rise." Simon said abruptly, looking away from Raphael.

"What about you?" Raphael asked with a sliver of hope.

"I'm staying here."

After those words left his lips a stream of protests flew his way.

"Simon you can't!" The red head screamed.

"Are you insane?" Alec questioned, eyebrows raised in shock.

"Sheldon don't do this..." Magnus stammered.

"Stupid mundie, don't you see we care about you?" Jace mumbled, trying, and failing, to hide his brotherly concern for Simon.

Simon knew this would happen. They wouldn't let him go. But they had to for their own sakes.

"Can't you see how hard this is for me?" Simon questioned, voice uneven.

Nothing. Not a word left anyone's mouth.

"Do you think I want to leave you all behind? I don't but it's for the best."

Clary stormed up to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"How is losing my best friend for the best?" She whispered in his ear, her warm breath tickling his skin.

"Just trust me." Simon replied, blinking away the bloody tears that threatened to fall. He pulled away from Clary and stepped back only to be faced with Raphael.

"Baby, what are you doing?" He frantically asked, not hiding the pain in his face and voice.

"The right thing." Raphael brought a hand up to Simon's face hesitantly to wipe away a tear.

"You are so wrong. This isn't the right thing. We need you Simon. I need you. Since the small amount of time I had with you 13 years ago I knew I had already found everything I wanted out of life. A love that completed me, passion, excitement and happiness. That's all I ever wanted. Someone who could push me beyond my limits and you did that without even knowing it. That's the most beautiful part. You brought out things in me that I didn't know were there to begin with. You caused me to question everything I believed in and supported. Never in the 70 years of my undead life have I felt more alive than when I was around you. You made me feel human. You showed me that it is okay to feel. For so long I had shut out whatever shred of humanity I had but you made me let it in and I'm so glad I did. You changed me for the better and I will always owe you for that. You were there for me so let me be here for you. Don't do this... Stay with me." Raphael choked, his voice thick with emotion.

The panic in Simon's head was rising now. Raphael thought that Simon had helped him but he hadn't. He would just hurt him. That's why he couldn't stay. Raphael didn't deserve to be damaged anymore. The older vampire may miss him for a little while but he'd soon move on. Simon pushed him back and turned to face them all. The people he had watched over for 13 years. He hated this. He hated having to say goodbye.

"I care about you all more than you even know so that's why I'm doing this. I'm protecting you. And if you all really care for me or love me then you'll respect my choice. You'll understand why I'm doing this. You'll let me go." Simon spoke clearly but with no less emotion.

One by one he saw the fight in everyone leave and their heads formed solemn nods. They understood and accepted that they couldn't change something when Simon was set on it. Everyone but Raphael. He walked up to Simon, grabbed his hand and looked at him straight in the eye.

"I respect your decision. And if you truly love me you'll respect mine. I am going with you Simon. To find peace with you. For I've realised that there is no world worth living in without you in it. A Simon-less Raphael is not a good version of me. He is dark, un merciful and cruel. Without your light there's a whole lot of darkness. I love you more than I ever thought possible and wherever you go, I will follow."

Simon was speechless. Actually speechless. Out of all the things he had imagined Raphael saying... This wasn't one of them. Raphael loved him and would die with him just because Simon couldn't live with himself.

"Are you sure Rapha?" Said a wobbly voice coming from behind them. Simon turned around and let go of Raphael's hand just as Magnus ran towards Raphael and wrapped him into a hug as he started to cry into the vampire's shoulder.

"Yes I'm sure. I love him Magnus and I will die for him or with him if that is what it takes to stay by his side. I'm sure you know something about that." Raphael replied softly, giving a small smile and a whispered 'thank you' to Alec from over the warlock's head. Raphael owed the Shadowhunter so much for loving Magnus like he deserved to be loved.

"I do. But what do you want me to tell everyone? Lily? Elliot? The Clan? Your nephews? Your friends?" Magnus sniffled.

"Oh Magnus how you worry." Raphael chuckled quietly, his lip quivering. "You can tell them that I died willingly, for love. That I met a boy... And he made me good. He saved me from myself. Because of that he will always come first in my heart. I will miss you so much Magnus but I have to do this. I want to do this. Remember that this is not goodbye as I'm sure that after you've had a full and happy life with Alec I will see you both again."

"That we will. Look out for Will for me when you find peace. For Tessa and Jem. They miss him just like I will miss you." Magnus whispered before stepping back to his place by Alec's side where he embraced his partner.

"Of course I will. I'll look out for Ragnor too. That prickly old fool owes me."

"For what?" Magnus asked, eyebrows raised from beside Alec.

"For saying I'd never fall in love." Raphael replied softly before turning back around to see Simon hugging Jace.

It was a rather shocking sight. Thanks to his special hearing he could make out what Simon was saying.

"Look after her for me. I've known her all my life and I know how much she loves you. Please be there for her when I'm not here." Simon said, looking Jace straight in the eye, who nodded back, before moving towards Clary who was tearing up.

It was so amazing to see just how much Simon cared about Clary. He had been all she had for so long. Raphael didn't hate her anymore...

"Hey no tears. Just because you won't be able to see me doesn't mean I won't be watching over you. Watching you and everyone live out your lives as you continue to fight evil and dodge fate over and over again because you are all survivors. Then soon you'll find me again once you've done your part on this Earth and your children and grandchildren will take your place as brave warriors. This is not forever you hear? I'll see you soon, just promise me you will keep fighting and stay strong." Simon spoke boldly as honestly.

"I promise. I'm sorry for the hurt I caused you all these years. It wasn't fair on you so I hope you find a place where you are no longer haunted by the suffering from this world."

"Clary you truly are remarkable. Your compassion is a gift... Don't ever lose it." Simon whispered, smiling fondly.

"You know Simon, when my daughter grows up your story will be the one I tell her. The story of a man who went through hell and still was capable of love. He was an amazing friend, a caring brother and an honourable man. He gave his happiness up for his best friend who selfishly took it for granted and still he watched over her. Every day he died inside a little more for the people he cared about. Every move he made he did for love and when the time came, he found it. Every mistake, every sacrifice and every choice this man made he did for the love of his friends, family and the man he would do anything for him. He was a hero."

Raphael saw tears begin to drip from Simon's eyes which made his heart ache. 

"Bye," Simon whispered to Clary, offering her a smile and a soft squeeze of her hand. 

Simon stood there silent with Clary's hand in his when he first felt it. The tingling. It started in his fingers and then slowly started to spread up his hands. Then the redness began followed by the smell of burning flesh.

"Simon-" Raphael began.

Simon made no reply and instead, he turned towards Raphael and nodded silently. Then he walked up to the older vampire and clutched his hand with force. The fledgling's gaze was fixed on the horizon where the sun was breaking through, as his family gathered to seem them off.

"Together?" Raphael asked, eyes catching Simon's.

"Together."

As the Sun began to rise their lives flashed before their eyes. Every touch, every smell, every memory. It was like a wave... they got swept up in it. Emotions flooded in and drowned out the pain. So when the rays of light struck their skin they felt nothing but a weight lifting of their chest's. 

Black spots began to appear in Simon's vision and the image of his friends began to blur but he didn't miss the whispered 'I love you' from Clary as the world faded away. He smiled to himself and let a tear drip free before relaxing into the beyond. Raphael did the same. They stayed silent, keeping each other's unnecessary breathing as comfort as they prepared to adventure into the unknown.

Then the world went black. Simon finally felt at peace with Raphael by his side as his body turned to ash.

-

_I never meant to hurt you,  
_

_I'd redo that day in a heartbeat if I could._

_I never wanted to betray you,_

_If I could turn back time you know I would._

 

_I can't stay here anymore,_

_You must understand._

_Every day for 13 years has been the same,_

_That's far too much pain for one man._

 

_I wanted to leave you behind,_

_It was the only way to protect you._

_I never knew that you loved me like I loved you,_

_And when I did you said you were coming too._

 

_I loved you always,_

_Hated you never._

_My heart is yours,_

_And yours is mine forever._

 

_So we stood together out in the Sun,  
_

_Seeing our journey in love, life and lust._

_We did not move and we did not falter,_

_Until our lives ended and we were dust._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter... I know it took a while I just wanted it to be meaningful. Let me know if you would like me to put up a bonus chapter as I have one in my drafts at the moment. 
> 
> Thank you for all your love and support and please share this with your friends if you like it :) 
> 
> P.s: please don't use my poem otherwise I will hunt you down *prepares army of evil ducks*  
> xoxo


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